Lionballs
by KiethBlackLion
Summary: The Lionballs, lead by Commander Keith, Mistress Allura and President Coran try to steal the air from their peace loving neighbors on Planet Doom. Hilarity ensues as Merla and Cossack try to keep Prince Lotor and Yurak out of the hands of the Lionballs.
1. Lionballs: Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any of the characters , settings, etc involving Voltron: Defender of the Universe. Spaceballs and related characters, settings, etc are owned by Brooksfilm, which has no affiliation with this story. This story are for entertainment purposes only and is to be viewed as a parody._

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**Author's Notes: **_Lionballs came about due to a game that was played on the official Voltron forums. I would randomly take lines from Spaceballs and "Voltronize" them. This led to the idea of re-writing the entire movie as a Voltron spoof. Overall, it took about a year to write the entire story (I promise, it won't take that long to repost it here). For me, Lionballs represents the pinnacle of my Voltron comedy works._

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**Lionballs**

**By KeithBlackLion**

Once upon an 80's cartoon. . . .

In the Denubian galaxy very, very, very, very, far away, there lived a ruthless race of beings known as . . . Lionballs.

Episode Twenty-Seven

The evil leaders of Planet Arus, having foolishly polluted their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air away from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet Doom.

Today is Prince Lotor's wedding day. Unbeknownst to the prince, but knownst to us, danger lurks in the stars above. . .

If you can read this, these aren't the robot lions you're looking for.

The massive Lionball 1 cruised slowly through space. The ship was so large that it took about four minutes for any space faring object to traverse ship from bow to stern. On the back end of the ship was a bumper sticker that read, 'We brake for Anime Pretty-Boys'.

Commander Keith, dressed in an all black jumpsuit trimmed in red, was standing at the front of the ship's bridge.

"Commander Keith!"

Keith turned around. "What is it, Sergeant Rico?"

Sergeant Rico got up from his seat and approached Keith. "You told me to let you know the moment Planet Doom was in sight, sir."

"So?"

Rico grinned. "Planet Doom is in sight, sir."

"You're really a Lionball. You know that, don't you?" Keith asked.

"Thanks, sir," said the young and over eager sergeant.

"Have you notified Mistress Allura?" Keith asked.

"Yes, sir. I took the liberty. She's on her way."

"Make way for Mistress Allura," rang the voice of the narrator (better known as Peter Cullen) over the loud speakers.

"All rise in the presence of Mistress Allura," ordered Keith as he stood at attention.

The entire bridge crew stood to attention. A door at the far end of the bridge opened revealing Mistress Allura. She was dressed in her V3D flight suit with a powder blue cape attached. As she walked from the entrance to where Keith was standing, she could hear the crew members that she passed saying silent prayers. She stopped in front of Keith, struggling to breathe.

"I can't breathe in this thing," she managed to say. Allura turned around so that her backside faced Keith. "Will you unfasten me?"

Keith reached out and unfastened Allura's flight suit. The suit fell to the floor with a loung clang. Thanks to 'movie magic' Allura now stood before Keith and the bridge crew wearing thigh high black leather boots (with 6 inch heels) a very short, black leather mini-skirt, a black leather belt, a black leather corset that shows off her over-developed chest, black leather gloves that go up to her elbows and a black collar around her neck. All trimmed in a light pink.

" We're approaching Planet Doom, ma'am," Keith stated.

"Good. I'll call Castle Control and notify President Coran immediately." Allura stepped around the crew members who were gathering up her fallen flight suit and picked up the phone.

"I already called him, ma'am. He knows everything," Rico said.

Allura sat the phone down angrily and turned to face Rico. "What? You went over my breasts?"\

"_Uh oh_," was Keith's thought.

"Well not exactly over them, ma'am. It was more to the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never ever!" Rico stammered, backing away.

Allura pulled a small, smooth, cylindrical object from the back of her belt and turned it on. A low, humming sound was made as a green energy whip emerged from the device.

"Oh shit! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that," Rico pleaded as he covered his neck with his hands.

"Yes. That." Allura flicked her wrist and the energy whip flew out and struck Rico's crouch.

"Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww!" Rico cried out. The pain from the initial hit was bad enough, but the electrical shock he received made it worse.

Guards appeared and took Rico away as Allura switched off her energy whip and placed it back onto her belt.

"Keith!" Allura yelled.

Keith quickly covered his crouch with his hands. "Ma'am?"

Allura looked out the main viewing window. "I don't see Planet Doom. Where is it?"

"We don't have visual contact yet, ma'am, but we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you?"

"Never mind. I'll do it myself," Allura said in a frustrated tone.

"Very good, ma'am."

Allura walked off in the direction of the radar screen with Keith in tow. She stopped in front of the first of two identical, vending machines.

Allura looked puzzled as she stared at the first screen. "What's the matter with this thing? What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen?"

"No, ma'am," Keith said as he moved between Allura and the machine. "We call it, 'Mr. Cappuccino'." He pointed at label at the top of the machine. "Care for some?" he asked as he pushed some buttons to start the machine.

Allura paused for a moment. "Yes! I always have cappuccino when I watch radar. You know that."

"Of course I do, ma'am." Keith removed the cup from the cappuccino machine.

"Everybody knows that!" Allura stated as she looked around at her crew.

Everyone on the bridge covered their crouch. "Of course we do, ma'am!"

Allura took the cappuccino from Keith. "Now that I have my cappuccino, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?"

Keith pointed to label on the next machine which read 'Mr. Rader'. "Right here, ma'am."

"Switch to teleview."

Keith pushed a button and the radar screen changed to a picture of Planet Doom with a protective defense shield around it.

"There it is, Planet Doom and underneath that defense shield, ten thousand years of fresh air," Allura stated. "We must get through that shield."

"We will, ma'am," Keith said. "Once we kidnap the prince, we will force his father, King Zarkon, to give us the combination to the defense shield. Thereby destroying Planet Doom and saving Planet Arus."

Allura looked out towards the readers. "Everybody got that?" Allura turned her attention back to Keith. "Good! When will the prince be married?"

"Within the hour, ma'am."

"Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon." Allura chuckled then took a drink of her cappuccino, but the hot temperature causes her to spit it out. In doing so she dropped the cup onto her body, the remaining cappuccino spilling down between her breasts.

"What's wrong ma'am?" Keith asked in a concerned tone.

"Hot! Too hot!"


	2. Lionballs: Chapter 2

On Planet Doom, everyone was busy gathering at the largest temple on the planet. A sign on the door read: **The First Intergalactic Temple of the Drules – Reformed**. **Today**: _The Royal Wedding of Prince Lotor to Princess Romelle_. **Tomorrow**: _Bingo_.

Prince Lotor was standing impatiently at the Alter. His father, King Zarkon was standing to Lotor's right and slightly behind him. To Zarkon's right stood Yurak, who was straightening Zarkon's cape.

Lotor was tapping his foot against the stone floor; a look of irritation was on his face.

"Oh, if only your mother were alive to see this day," Zarkon said proudly.

"If mom was here," Lotor started. "She wouldn't be forcing me to marry some strange princess."

The usher peeked in through the doors at the end of the aisle. "All right, people. It's magic time," he said as he turned towards Princess Romelle and her brother, King Bandor.

As Princess Romelle and King Bandor start walking down the aisle the organist began playing Here Comes the Bride.

"Father?" Lotor asked as Romelle made it a quarter of the way to the Alter.

The organ player looked over at Lotor and stopped playing.

Bandor and Romelle stopped walking as a puzzled look came across their faces.

"Must I go through with this?" Lotor asked.

Zarkon sighed. "I'm sorry, my son, you have to." He nodded to the organ player who started playing again.

Romelle and Bandor started walking again.

"But father…"

The organist stopped again and so did Romelle and Bandor. All three had a look of annoyance on their faces.

"I don't love her," Lotor stated.

"I'm sorry, Lotor, she's the last princess left in the galaxy."

Lotor looked back towards Romelle who was busy picking her nose. When she noticed Lotor looking at her, he pulled her finger out and smiled politely at him.

Lotor sighed and his shoulders drooped as Romelle and Bandor approached the Alter.

Judge Armistice, who was standing upon a tall pedestal, cleared his throat as he began the ceremony. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this most joyous occasion, to witness Prince Lotor, son of King Zarkon..."

Lotor suddenly bolted past the judge towards the door that was behind the Alter. Yurak, who was fiercely loyal to the prince, ran after him.

As Lotor took off, Judge Armistice continued speaking. "...going right past the altar, heading down the ramp, and out the door."

"Stop him! Someone, stop him! Stop him!" Zarkon yelled as he, Romelle and Bandor ran after Lotor.

Lotor exited the temple with Yurak on his heels. The two ran in the direction of the small, two person honeymoon shuttle.

"Hey wait! You forgot to get married. Will you stop?" Yurak was yelling.

The two reached the small shuttle and Lotor opened the door.

"What are you doing?" Yurak asked.

Lotor began to get in the getaway car. "Don't ask questions. Just get in."

Yurak and Lotor got into the shuttle and closed the hatch. The shuttle's engines started up and the ramp tilted upward. Zarkon, Bandor, Romelle and all the guests came running out of the temple.

"What is he doing? Where is he going?" Zarkon kept asking.

The shuttle's engine ports lit up and it took off towards space.

"Come baaaaack!" Romelle said as she eagerly dug her finger around in her nostril.


End file.
